this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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