Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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