I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
