I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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