she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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