bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
