Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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