if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I did not marry a roomba.
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