you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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