I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
