woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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