You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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