So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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