New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
