I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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