Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
