evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
