that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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