Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
