I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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