I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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