when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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