she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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