i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the day after is always just damage control
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
