Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
