i wish there were pregnant emoticons
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
