Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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