Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am naked and annoyed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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