she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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