Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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