I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
