Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I want to make a zoo with you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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