i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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