names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
