How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
