oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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