thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
