so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
