i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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