happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
