so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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