Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
