Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
