she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
