just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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