I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
