new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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