the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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