im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i drank out of a bidet.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize