I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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