I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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