Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
