he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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