You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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