It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
