Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
