I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
