Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
