Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
