So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
