my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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