just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
