is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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