you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
