Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
