Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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