gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
