he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
