My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
