What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
