Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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