Dual....:-)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They have beer where we have blood.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
