I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
